Sorry for those of you caught in the I-71 Lytle Tunnel traffic jam during Superman filming a year ago.
Don鈥檛 expect to see your car in the movie. The Lytle Tunnel scene goes by faster than a speeding bullet.
And despite all the local hoopla, don鈥檛 expect to see much of Cincinnati in director James Gunn鈥檚 new Superman, starring David Corenswet, which opens this weekend. It鈥檚 a Cleveland movie.
Look up there on the screen! It's Public Square! It's Cleveland City Hall! It's the Cleveland Arcade!
Metropolis sure looks like Cleveland's PNC Plaza; the Howard M. Metzenbaum U.S. Courthouse; the old Greyhound station; the Cleveland Guardians鈥� Progressive Field (home of the 鈥淢etropolis Meteors鈥�) and the location of the old Cleveland Leader, the city鈥檚 only remaining newspaper building.
And that鈥檚 fine by me. After all, the Superman comic was created by Cleveland native Jerry Siegel and Canadian Joe Shuster, both of whom grew up in Cleveland.
The Cincinnati Museum Center (no spoiler alert here, given all the media coverage this week) makes an appearance about an hour into the film.
The iconic Union Terminal, which inspired the Justice League headquarters in the 1970s Super Friends cartoon series on ABC, is shown with the words 鈥淗all of Justice鈥� above the clock, and a green Metropolis flag on the north flagpole.
It鈥檚 followed by one extensive scene in the rotunda, which serves as the main hangout for Superman鈥檚 super friends from the DC Universe: Green Lantern/Guy Gardner (Nathan Fillion), Hawkgirl (Isabela Merced) and computer wiz Mr. Terrific (Edi Gathegi). The Green Lantern insists they鈥檙e the 鈥淛ustice Gang.鈥�
That鈥檚 it for Cincinnati.
This new iteration of Superman has all the elements of a summer blockbuster. Gunn, who also wrote the screenplay, portrays the Man of Steel as a vulnerable 鈥渁lien,鈥� and outsider who desperately wants to be a human being.
Like a human, he doesn鈥檛 win every fight. That鈥檚 not a spoiler, because it鈥檚 the opening scene. By the end of the two-hour film, Superman 鈥� spoiler alert here 鈥� rescues the world (and a squirrel). Philadelphia native Corenswet (Twister, Lady in the Lake) fits the role perfectly to an 鈥淪,鈥� the newly stylized red letter on his chest.
To Gunn鈥檚 credit, this is not another story about Superman鈥檚 origin; we鈥檝e seen that too many times. Corenswet plays it perfectly as a coming of age story. As Superman says, 鈥淏eing human, that鈥檚 my greatest strength.鈥�
Of course Gunn gives Superman fans romance when Clark Kent hooks up with fellow Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane (Rachel Brosnahan from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and House of Cards). There鈥檚 also romance for cub reporter Jimmy Olsen (Skyler Gisondo). But I鈥檓 guessing most viewers will fall in love with Krypto 鈥� not the digital currency, but the playful superhero dog which debuted in a 1955 Superboy comic book.
No spoiler alert here: At the root of all evil is the corrupt Lex Luthor, played perfectly by Nicholas Hoult (X-Men: Days of Future Past, and Mad Max: Fury Road). His Luthor Corp. cons the U.S. Defense Department; unleashes monsters in downtown Metropolis; creates a PlanetWatch army to help Boravia conquer neighboring Johporian; produces a deep fake video message from Superman鈥檚 parents claiming their son was sent on a mission to destroy the world (which plays 24/7 on the all-news channels); and invents a pocket universe to hold hundreds of his enemies.
My favorite of Luthor鈥檚 bad guys was the 鈥淥utrage Monkeys,鈥� a gang of chimps at computers pounding out a torrent of negative comments trashing Superman on the internet. In Gunn鈥檚 hip social media script Superman says, 鈥淪uperman doesn鈥檛 have time for selfies.鈥�
Anyway, Luthor鈥檚 pocket universe leads to a tear in the Earth, a catastrophic chasm heading toward downtown Cleveland 鈥� er, Metropolis. (It made me wonder if the Haslam family conspired with Lex Luthor to destroy Cleveland鈥檚 downtown NFL stadium to justify the Haslams building a new indoor stadium out by Cleveland Hopkins International Airport.)
Gunn brought Superman to Ohio because he could receive $11 million in Ohio Motion Picture Tax Credit funds from the state Department of Development. He considered filming in Cincinnati, but instead chose That City Up North. Cincinnati, which has been used by directors for New York and numerous other cities, didn鈥檛 have the look Gunn wanted.
鈥淲e looked all over for the place that was the best Metropolis,鈥� . 鈥淲e liked Cincinnati a lot, but we really liked Cleveland. A lot of it鈥檚 because of all the old Art Deco architecture that people really don鈥檛 know about in Cleveland. So although we were making whatever city we filmed in a much bigger city than it is, Cleveland worked best for all of the basic architecture we鈥檙e using up close.鈥�
Superman fans will be very satisfied at this new incarnation of 鈥淏ig Blue,鈥� as he fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and squirrels. Honestly, I鈥檓 not a super fan of Marvel and DC superhero movies. I prefer a good comedy over the drama, death, destruction and violent high-tech clashes.
But I think Superman will soar at the box office this summer. It's full of surprising plot twists; tons of big budget special effects; and engaging actors playing relatable characters you want to root for, particularly Corenswet鈥檚 humanized superhero. And we can witness the potential near destruction of Cleveland, not the Queen City.
And if someone calls Superman a Cincinnati movie, you can paraphrase former Bengals head coach Sam Wyche: 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 live in Metropolis! You live in Cincinnati!鈥�
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